So tomorrow night is the first night of Rosh Hashana and as usual I find myself picking apart how I lived my life this past year.
I'd like to think I was perfect, but I was far from it. I know I have things I need to go over with G-d but what about all the things I've done wrong to other people. Where do I even begin? What about what others have done to me? Can I honestly forgive them?
Hearing "I'm sorry" just isn't enough sometimes. There are some things I don't think I can forgive yet. There are also some things I don't feel comfortable asking for forgiveness from yet. I wish I were stronger, but I'm just not.
On a brighter note I am looking forward to the new year and believe with all of my heart that it will be a year of good things. I wish all of you a happy and healthy new year.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
I never learn...
I had rules. I made them for a reason. I broke them and just want to bang my head against the wall for being so stupid. So once again I'm "single" and I just don't get it anymore. When I entered this latest "relationship" I wasn't looking for anything. I was really happy with me. I was alone but I was ok with it.
It just happened and I didn't even want to blog about it because I knew I broke every rule. But, I liked him and he made me smile. He made me feel amazing, he would just stare at me and tell me how beautiful I was, how could I not fall? He spent so much time with me always wanting to touch me, not even in a sexual way. Just a way that made me feel cared for and wanted. I was beginning to fall for it. I actually believed that someone thought I was amazing and wanted to spend time with me.
I didn't ask for anything, I made it clear that I wanted to take my time and just see where it went - so where did I go wrong? How could I be so blind? Why did I believe that when he looked at me it was because he saw me and liked it.
I'm not crushed, I'm just sad. I tell myself that it's not me, he just wasn't in the same place as me. Why waste my time then? Why tell me how pretty and funny and good and wonderful I am? Why make plans with me? Why enter my life?
It just happened and I didn't even want to blog about it because I knew I broke every rule. But, I liked him and he made me smile. He made me feel amazing, he would just stare at me and tell me how beautiful I was, how could I not fall? He spent so much time with me always wanting to touch me, not even in a sexual way. Just a way that made me feel cared for and wanted. I was beginning to fall for it. I actually believed that someone thought I was amazing and wanted to spend time with me.
I didn't ask for anything, I made it clear that I wanted to take my time and just see where it went - so where did I go wrong? How could I be so blind? Why did I believe that when he looked at me it was because he saw me and liked it.
I'm not crushed, I'm just sad. I tell myself that it's not me, he just wasn't in the same place as me. Why waste my time then? Why tell me how pretty and funny and good and wonderful I am? Why make plans with me? Why enter my life?
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